World has been less interesting and less happy place to live since then


I’m not being cheesy but this is exactly what I feel and see now.

On my off day, I sleep most of the time. I have more time, more money (since marriage is void plan anyway) and more freedom. But I have spent all those to distract myself from thinking about you.

I should be reading, planning my MOship or plan for future study, but I have no interest at all. I just want a break from this work thing. Time for my heart to heal because apparently those working days only keep me occupied and tired (we’ll it does help with present), but I don’t think I have soul doing those and it definitely not helping for future.

Do I feel like killing myself? Once in a while I think of that but hmm,,, to die also is a scary thing. I don’t have the courage to go away and worst, if I just become vegetable in this life. So, that’s a no.

People says I look okay and well. Thanks to me putting that facade. But deep down, I have no interest to do things enthusiastically. I just do it for sake I have to do it.

And unfortunately, MCO sucks. I stuck here in KL when I should go back hometown whenever I feel like going. So, it piles up. Way back since orthopaedics (March), applied for leave but stuck because of MCO. I should just go back that time.... Being selfish for my own sake.

Now it is already end of May. I honestly doesn’t feel better. And I might starting ED/Surgery at end of July. Things might get even tiring and difficult for break from work.

Can someone help me? Let me take leave and go back hometown despite MCO.....

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