Hello dear, please listen to me

2 days straight. After I learnt that he just want to be friend with me. That relationship beyond friendship is almost impossible- I definitely need someone to talk to. Oh my god, it was heavy for me. For all I know, my heart sunk and shredded into pieces. And I cant tell anyone about it. It's frustrating and it's definitely killing me inside. I am amazed that it is easy for him: not that he loose anything about ending our relationship. I just want to tell a bit of it (my frustration) to my parents and it was called for mocking/scold. To them, I was the one who call off the engagement anyway. I was the one who made the rush decision to end it. It's funny that I was telling them anyway. None of them knew what is heartbroken and what move on means. They thought me didn't move on for 3 months is enough. But what they did not know I once not move on for 3 years. My mom said just find new guy. Mom, you don't understand, do you? I called for you, more than 20 t...

It is honestly tiring. But it is not something I can help with. There is me who is regretting that one thing I did with you. And I could not even tell anyone about it. How can I explained to people why am I still sad, then?

I have one for past few years; to get married. At least it was clear enough that I really want it. Until recently. Then, someone tore it apart. If at least I can let you have the telephatic emotion of mine to you....... Nevermind

"Some people, they do realize they will regret the action/decision later, but they still do it anyway" I am. Well, I do think and believe I will regret it later for whole of my life. It just shocking to know that you never been in that situation before. It means, when you decided to really let go of our relationship, you don't think you will regret it at all. Nor you are regretting it. I am glad you never feel that way. It just sucks anyway. Knowing your thoughts actually make me sad. So that is how much I mean to you, now. I do and am and will regret the decision to give us a fullstop. But knowing how you feel, at least let me know that it is actually one sided. It just me. It never be and will never be you.

There was a boy who was my favourite, long time ago. It hurts me quite bad that I have to give myself a fullstop. It was miserable inside. I gave myself a fullstop by saying, "please put me in your friendzone forever". It stopped me from thinking with what if scenario and yes, those thoughts are dangerous to help with moving on. And since then, I did not quiver even a bit despite we sometimes texted each other. And here I am, might be giving myself a second fullstop. I might regret this my whole life later. For which I own my future me, a valid explanation. But hey, can you please emphatize me in this timeline? Because apparently, time is subjective. It might moves fast for you, but it moved slowly for me.

Sometimes, the answer to a problem is actually time. Time will solve everything. Unfortunately, I am not that patience to begin with. Neither do I think time will solve this problem. Well at least, this is the impression I have now. Forcing people to be ready when they are not, might be too cruel. After all, it that goal fail, the blame will be on me. As much as I try to understand, this fact hurts me. Quite bad. I wish it never happen. I wish I can go back to the time where it all started. I wish I can erased it all. I wish I can undone things I did. Take back what I said. But hey, there is no time machine. Past happened for reasons. I am still looking for the reasons. I guess time will give me the reasons. It just I am not too sure, how long time is needed.

I guess I did vented out to others that we broke up. More than you do. Probably it is one sided in the first place. But believe me, no one will exactly know how deep and big the frustration is. Not now and maybe not in the future. But maybe someone will know, if I decided to give up this life.

Hi. Was away for past few days. Past few days, it has been amusing- partly because I was thinking about myself in different parallel world. On 28/2/2020- it was supposed to be the wedding day. The day where we both become husband and wife in front of others. It was supposed to be the day where I handed him the card written this... "Hi awak. May you be the best husband I could have. Let's grow together older wiser and yes, silly too :) " *Pardon my too extravagant sweetness* too dumb I guess On the same day, what I really did is actually setting new branula. And former PM was standing 1 meter away from me. Well, not that I care thou. On 29/2/2020- it was suppose to be the busiest day for my family and me. We were expecting his families, our other families, friends and neighbors. It is for welcoming ceremony from my family to his, introducing them to others. On the same day, what happened was yes, we all did woke up early- minus Yap because he was in Kuantan P...