2020 is both bless and disaster

 

2020.

The number look nice. After all, since childhood, people keep saying wawasan 2020 and all those flying car etc. The real 2020 was contradicting. Not much of progression I would say.

Personally,

2020 is a total lost for my horsemanship training. Not that I am really enthusiastic to become doctor, but because of COVID situation, there is so much thing me as houseman missed out. Be it in district hospital or tertiary big hospital, KKM made it clear to protect the housemen. So anything relating to COVID and risk of airborne transmissions, the houseman should not be around. So, CPR, intubation, airway management; things that hands on are learnt in ED department, we all missed out. Honestly it was a total lost. Number of patients also reduced (since currently I am in PPUM) and we have thing known as triage away. It basically to limit the crowd in working area and reduce the chance of transmission between doctors, nurses and patients in the same area. Not sure how the KKM hospital are coping the situation anyway.

    Second thing I lost in 2020 is my love line. I broke up with him early this year. So I guess through whole 2020, I did not meet anyway, nor did I seek anyone to replace him. Well, I guess I am not ready to trust and commit to another relationship if I know it is going to fail. So, 2020 has been quite dull except for me waking up to work at 5-6am depending on rotation and left work at latest 9.30pm or slightly earlier at 5pm if I was working AM shift. So it has been me waking up, work, eat and sleep again just to repeat the cycle again tomorrow. If I have off day, most of the time, I will just lazy around on bed and sleep. Occasionally me and my housemates went out for meals, but pretty much that it is. I guess this is the most apparent lost to me personally. Because in the beginning, I was planning to end my single relationship this year and get married. But I guess shit happened and it got messed up. So I just have to deal with it. Neither I like it or not.

    The third thing I lost in 2020, is actually the most important thing and I don't think people realized it. It is actually the most and foremost important thing I lost in 2020. I did realized it left me and it is because of this horsemanship and work cause. I am not blaming the profession, but I don't think working in this environment is good for me because of the third thing I lost. It probably my fault for not prioritizing thing correctly, but this working environment is not helpful at all and it is just suck. I am not ready to disclose it now, but maybe later. Anyway in 2021, this is one of the improvement I am seeking into again.


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