We might love each other but in different tone. And we broke up because of it

 I think, he left me because he might felt he was not financially stable to support both of us. Partly because he has no permanent job at that time. All is freelance and he partly need his PhD allowance for his living. And then COVID 19 happened. He lost his income; no part time and his PhD was also affected.

I was at that time told him, I could not wait for him to finish his PhD and for him to get job. He was talking about future, tentatively at age of 32 of his and 31 of mine. Basically he was asking me to wait for another 4 years. No, actually he did not ask me wait. I just simply told him I can’t wait that long. Probably that blew him off.

You see; that point of time I was thinking we should just get married. I was talking about now. Never mind about your job, your PhD. Because those are all about future. After all, if you really want me, you want me sooner better. Not that I was not thinking about you and your future. I never asked you to quit your PhD. Instead, I do wish you to finish your PhD. But nevermind, maybe my feeling and thoughts does not convey enough to you.

So probably your definition of happiness is for us to have enough. But for me, having us is enough. Then sadly, we have broken. So I guess there is no happiness after all.

I’m going to delete all posts about him by end of this year.

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