Hello dear, please listen to me

I’m not being cheesy but this is exactly what I feel and see now. On my off day, I sleep most of the time. I have more time, more money (since marriage is void plan anyway) and more freedom. But I have spent all those to distract myself from thinking about you. I should be reading, planning my MOship or plan for future study, but I have no interest at all. I just want a break from this work thing. Time for my heart to heal because apparently those working days only keep me occupied and tired (we’ll it does help with present), but I don’t think I have soul doing those and it definitely not helping for future. Do I feel like killing myself? Once in a while I think of that but hmm,,, to die also is a scary thing. I don’t have the courage to go away and worst, if I just become vegetable in this life. So, that’s a no. People says I look okay and well. Thanks to me putting that facade. But deep down, I have no interest to do things enthusiastically. I just do it for sake I h...

There was never a day I forgot about you. Despite I tried to. I am not too sure what I’m feeling or what I want now. I guess there is part of me wish you can come back and we get back to the marriage plan. But it seems impossible from your point of view. At least before this, you been receiving my texts. But now, I guess you have already cut that totally. I am been telling myself, this is out of my control. You are man of your own. You’ve made the decision. Honestly, I wish I can forget everything. So that, you don’t have to be in my entries every single day I come here. Honestly...it’s okay. I will try to and this shall pass too. I hope so #itisrayabutyoudontevenwishme #itsokaybcozitextyouandijustrealisedyoucutthatonethingicanreachyou #oldmemoriesarethetieforme #cansomeonemakesmelostit

I think these short comic pretty much summed up the relationship. The phase where I opened my heart. The phase where I gave all my heart. The phase where he gave all OK in return for my heart. The phase where he has to break my heart for his others' hearts. The phase where I broke his heart because yes, my heart was broken. The phase where his heart is broken until nothing can undone it. The phase where I pretty much missed the train. Like literally in a probably one way route. Hmm. I guess I never hate him even now. I mean, he was someone who used to be inside my heart. But now we are just two persons who eventually were and are broken. Not that there is no love. Probably there is just not much tolerance. And yes, maybe as he said; maybe we are just not meant to be together. I don't know about that but yes, sure. I will understand that, awak. For all the roller coaster feeling and emotion, thank you. # p/s: 15/4/2020 is the date I realized it is actually a...