Hello dear, please listen to me

Premise 1: Leaving me to seek for my own happiness is probably your way of making me happy. Premise 2: Apparently you know exactly what will make me happy but still choose to do the other way around. So, I guess the conclusion is you are not trying to make me happy. Instead, you are trying to make a win-win situation for both. Funny is, I doubt we both happy at this moment. Maybe later in the future; is what I was told by you. But future is something we both never know. Future is something that I left for my future me to think and ponder. My current me is still here in sea of thoughts and assumptions. Occasionally, when I am alone. It is sometimes scary how wild one's mind can go in desperation. Sometimes it can be shallow too. Sea of thoughts and assumptions will lead somewhere, if unattended.

Somehow and somewhere, it feels like a betrayal. When we made promise, just eventually to be broken. The more you give, the more you are broken. I guess this is what make me disappointed most about. Regret and blame follows.

Talking about my dream, now I know about your dream and your priority. Being in medical field; we were taught to prioritize the jobs into 1) Urgent and important 2) Urgent but not important 3) Important but not urgent 4) Not important and not urgent Example is, most patient need branula insertion but why it is needed make the names go into order. Those can wait, will have to wait. Well... I guess I might accidentally put our relationship into first list. But maybe it is 3 in yours. Well, I hope it's not in 4. That's too sad to hear. I would rather not be in between your dream. In which I believe you are putting into your first list now. If that is something that will make you happy, then it is definitely up to you. After all, what goes wrong is actually how we prioritize thing in life and it is definitely dependable on our dream/goal. Did I blame you because you stand by your dream? No I don't. My fault for dreaming too high. Did I regret putting it into...

When we break our engagement, people sometimes said to me. "You shouldn't be sad. A better person will be there for you" Honestly, I still can't relate how is this helpful or comforting in any way. I would thank you for all the pray but I believe that is something my future me will handle. But now, I kinda stuck in my current me. Still sad and regretting this. Some even ask me, why I want to get married in the first place? To those asking that, I would like to answer you with this , "FYI, some people (including me) have certain goal at certain timeline of our age" And yes, I wish to get marry at age 28 years old. Well, before this at age 25 years old, but something happened, and I of course changed it accordingly. When I made the changes, of course I have to plan when should I start seeing someone for serious relationship. Because by logic, if you have aim, you have to draw it and execute it. And when we agreed to be in serious relationship and...

Hi, You are here because I have no idea who should I say this to. Or how should I say it without actually making the other person looks too bad. Honestly, I am a bad guy too in this chaos. He is too. Between me and him, only we know who is really the 'more' bad guy. Of course with his POV and at same time my POV. As much as I try to try to understand and be in his spot, I don't think it is easy for me to let this feeling go. Regret. Blame. Why? And of course what if. Yes, I am crying writing this- when it beyond 2 months already. Or if we go by official- it is already 1 month and 25 days. Since the last we break the engagement.